I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Randomize