so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
