so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
