I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
