All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I need water and some morals
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
