i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
