I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
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