I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Randomize
