thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
