i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
