Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
