im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
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