The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Everyone says I win the strip club
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
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