you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Never joke about your clitoris.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
