...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
