Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize