she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
you told grandpa to call you daddy
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
