god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
We need to get me chipped asap
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
