apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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