I wish I could punch you in the face.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
