I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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