She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Randomize
