Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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