I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
The best revenge is premature balding
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
