How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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