the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
