Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Randomize
