I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
