Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
