Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
