theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
