I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
