Where is the hickey?
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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