eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
