U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
