i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
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