did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
