I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
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