I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
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