i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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