So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
