He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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