Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
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