Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
