and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
