It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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