Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
