I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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