K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Duck Duck Cougar?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
