I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize