That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
