How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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