so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
