how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
