FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Dignity is for republicans.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I'm experimenting with sincerity
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
