I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize