if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
