How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
