I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
