I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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