so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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