you would pick up someone in the library
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Randomize
