Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
