Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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