I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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