So drunk its hurt
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
