im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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