dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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