New invention idea: vibrating tampons
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
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