You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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