How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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