so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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